How to Save the World and Find True Love in 90 Minutes

Book and Lyrics by Jonathan Karp

Music by Seth Weinstein
  

Synopsis

I Know What You're Thinking is the story of two days in the life of MILES MULDOON, a phobic tour guide at the United Nations who gains the ability to read people's minds. This phenomenon is the result of an unfortunate produce-related encounter (It All Began With the Melons).

Miles is determined to charm the U.N.'s sexiest diplomat, VIOLET ZIPPER, into giving him a better job...and more (I Want What You Want). Miles enlists his own personal GREEK CHORUS to help him persuade Violet, but his persnickety trip of comrades turns on him.

For counsel, Miles finds solace in the company of his best friend, JULIE LEMMON, a fellow slacker who works at the U.N. bookstore. Julie can cite Conversations With God chapter and verse, and the book provides her with her chief lesson for Miles: There are only two emotions in life (Love or Fear). Miles is inveterately destined for the latter (I'm Afraid of Everything).

Meanwhile, outside the U.N., a horde of Guatemalan farmers is enraged about tariffs against their native fruit (The Protest). Julie urges Miles to take diplomatic action, but he is pelted with melons and knocked unconscious. As Violet seeks the paramedics, Julie engages in her own conversation with God (Why Are All the Good Men Unconscious?). When Miles awakens, he realizes something is amiss: that he is hearing what everyone around him is thinking (The Voices in My Head). Miles runs away.

Across town, Violet makes a confession to her therapist (I'm in Love With a Terrorist). The terrorist - a fastidious neat freak - prefers to be called HE so that he cannot be traced. He is attracted to Violet's clean American mouth and superior hygiene; Violet is attracted to He's social conscience and sexual prowess.

Coaxed back to the U.N. by Julie, Miles discovers a potential advantage to his mind-reading ability when Violet thinks, "I wish He loved me." Convinced Violet is thinking about him, Miles pronounces his amorous affections. Violet tells Miles he doesn't understand love, and she finds herself arguing about its qualities with Julie (Love Is). Nevertheless, Miles convinces Violet to let him accompany her to the Spanish Ambassador's Ball.

Furious at being ignored again and again by Miles, Julie vents her lust and romantic frustration to herself while she and Miles are in meditation class. Miles reads her thoughts, and they awkwardly confront each other in front of a revered Tibetan yogi (The Zen of Meditation). Later that night, Miles woos Violet at the Spanish Ambassador's Ball (I Want to Know You/Read My Mind). But just as he is about to consummate three years of erotic fantasies, Miles overhears Violet thinking about her terrorist's attack on the U.N. Miles flees in fear.

Miles lies awake all night worrying about the terrorist attack (Only the Paranoid Survive). When he tries to alert the authorities, no one believes him - not even Julie - and he is kicked out of the U.N. (He's a Weasel).

Seeking her therapist's advice on whether to run off with He, Violet explains He's planned attack - the release of a genetically engineered virus that causes CNS (chronic nausea syndrome). Upon learning that she has divulged his secrets, He can take only one course of action (The Therapist Must Die). Unnerved by the brutal death of her therapist, Violet realizes she must stop He's attack on the U.N. Since He's men are watching her, she sends a telepathic message to Miles and tells him that he is the only one who can prevent a disgusting global calamity. Scared out of his wits but worried that Julie could be hurt in the attack, Miles asks his Greek Chorus for advice. They can't personally help him because they're performing at a bar mitzvah, but they give him encouragement in a Jewish gospel song (Save the People).

Security at the U.N. is tight, but Miles reads the minds of the security guards in order to gain entry. He begs Julie for help, but she won't come until he admits the truth - that he has loved her all along. Just as Miles realizes Julie is right, the attack begins, and they rush to the General Assembly to stop He from releasing the CNS virus (Oh, God). It all comes down to a man-to-man battle between Miles and He - a battle between a coward and a neat freak. Miles and He are both knocked unconscious in the struggle for control of the virus. When Miles awakens, he has returned to his natural state of cluelessness, but he has saved the U.N. from CNS. And then he tells Julie what they have both known all along (Read My Mind).